sarcasm – DECISION STATS

Top Ten Ways to Kill The NSA

Everybody write email or ip voice call in Navajo
Pass messages in .gifs on ~~Google Plus~~ wikipedia. But use visual cryptography
Create social network analysis of NSA guys , and their families. Include Senate Staffers on the appropriate committees. Hunt the hunters to guard the guardians. Start with the Snowden ex-girlfriend
Everyone start using Tor. Overwhelm the NSA’s budget. Kill the Budget and you kill the NSA
Teach terrorists how to haiku and send messages in Navajo poetry. Use Poem Code
Click on ALL google ads. or DO NOT Click on ALL Facebook ads by all people revealed to have been cooperating with the NSA. Hit the corporations the only place they feel anything- the pocket books and the balance sheets. Use Anti Ad software to dry up these data gathering monsters!
Revive projects like Waste Again. Embed them in Browser Plugins like Mafia Fire.
Maybe An Open Translate Project for a language like Anti- Double Speak (from 1984). Truthspeak. To automatically encode using a Browser Plugin. Like Google Translate automatically translates Hebrew into English.
Everyone understand the concept of random noise and introduce it in your blogs , your communication. Use snowden for the seed keywords.
Big Deficit huh. Govt shutdown huh. Call your Congressman now to decrease NSA budget by atleast 17.33 % . Use this (usa.gov)

From the First Rule

and

Zeroth Law-

0. A robot may not harm humanity, or, by inaction, allow humanity to come to harm.

Free Tibet

We should all ask China to free Tibet because of the following reasons-

10 Reasons to Free Tibet

1) Replace a system of governance which is giving 12% GDP growth with a 1000 year old belief that one old guy is really a reincarnation of GOD

2) Because it is a romantic idea

3) The average Tibetan is much better economically than most other countries in Asia and Africa. Still freedom is messy- Donald Rumsfield.

4) So we can sell beer, Facebook ads, Internet Pornography to Tibetans which do not have the liberty to do so currently

5) So we can explore that area for mining and minerals

6) Damn it. We need one more ally for the free world. So we can invade more non free countries.

7) Tibetans girls are hot.

8) Dalai Lama is cool. and he doesnot charge by the hour unlike other yoga Gurus.

9) We need to encircle China just like we did in the 19th Century and Opium Wars

10) So artists like Ai Wei Wei can blog freely

1 Reason not to Free Tibet

1) Tibetans want to be free. If we give them democracy- they will be disappointed to know that the bullets just get replaced by the pepper spray. How silly is that? The desire to be free- when there is no such thing as free anymore.

(This was an article in Sarcasm and meant as literary and not a pseudo-intellectual political article. I have no training in Politics. For details see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarcasm

Clustering Business Analysts and Industry Analysts

In my interactions with the world at large (mostly online) in the ways of data, statistics and analytics- I come across people who like to call themselves analysts.

As per me, there are 4 kinds of analysts principally,

1) Corporate Analysts- They work for a particular software company. As per them their product is great and infallible, their code has no bugs, and last zillion customer case studies all got a big benefit by buying their software.

They are very good at writing software code themselves, unfortunately this expertise is restricted to Microsoft Outlook (emails) and MS Powerpoint ( presentations). No they are more like salesmen than analysts, but as Arthur Miller said ” All salesmen (person) are dreamers. When the dream dies, the salesman (person) dies (read transfers to bigger job at a rival company)

2) Third -Party Independent Analsyst- The main reason they are third party is they can not be tolerated in a normal corporate culture, their spouse can barely stand them for more than 2 hours a day, and their Intelligence is not matched by their emotional maturity. Alas, after turning independent analysts, they realize they are actually more dependent to people than before, and they quickly polish their behaviour to praise who ever is sponsoring their webinar, white paper , newsletter, or flying them to junkets. They are more of boutique consultants, but they used to be quite nifty at writing code, when younger, so they call themselves independent and “Noted Industry Analyst”

3) Researcher Analysts- They mostly scrape info from press releases which are mostly written by a hapless overworked communications team thrown at a task at last moment. They get into one hour call with who ever is the press or industry/analyst relations honcho is- turn the press release into bullet points, and publish on the blog. They call this as research Analysts and give it away for free (but actually couldnt get anyone to pay for it for last 4 years). Couldnt write code if their life depended on it, but usually will find transformation and expert somehwere in their resume/about me web page. May have co -authored a book, which would have gotten them a F for plagiarism had they submitted it as a thesis.

4) Analytical Analysts- They are mostly buried deep within organizational bureaucracies if corporate, or within partnerships if they are independent. Understand coding, innovation (or creativity). Not very aggressive at networking unless provoked by an absolute idiot belonging to first three classes of industry analyst. Prefer to read Atlas Shrugged than argue on business semantics.

Next time you see an industry expert- you know which cluster to classify them 😉