Category: sarcasm

Dear Mr CEO

Dear Mr CEO

I am sorry but I need to go. I tried to be your sexy data scientist but you would really not know. I cant make bricks without clay. I cant make models without data. I can do cluster analysis but trust me you dont want me to make an algorithm for cluster analysis. Stop saying algorithm so often.

We need databases to store data. There are many kinds of data and there are many kinds of database. There are no right or wrong answers. There is no perfect software. At best we optimize our software hardware and our people for our constraints of time, money and business refresh speed.

Please dont be paranoid. Trust some people, but read more often. Don’t trust too much on technology vendors. They have a job to do. Don’t trust consultants too much. They have to eat bread. Use the Delphi method to reach consensus. But there is a cost to perfect information.

R and Python and SAS do the same thing in different manners. Yes, there is a cost benefit to every software. Open source is not free. Paid software is not the best. People matter. Analytics and models and statistics require more subjectivity than you have been told.

 

Please pay invoices on time

 

Sincerely

 

The Sexiest Data Scientist

Cloud Computing for Christmas

My second book – R for Cloud Computing : An Approach for Data Scientists is now ready for sale ( ebook). Softcover should be available within a month. Some of you have already booked an online review copy. It has taken me 2 years to write this book, and as always I accept all feedback on how to be a better writer.

I would like to especially thank Hannah Bracken of Springer Publishing for this.

and I dedicate this book to my 7 year son Kush.

http://www.springer.com/statistics/computational+statistics/book/978-1-4939-1701-3

Screenshot from 2014-12-10 10:23:45

“Everything that is good in me, come from your love, Kush“

The Superpower Doctrine

  1. Superpowers have super citizens. Killing their citizens starts wars. Inviting those citizens for trade and travel leads to prosperity.
  2. The dominant culture on the planet in terms of literature, language, and entertainment belongs to the Superpower.
  3. You cannot be a new Superpower unless you defeat or distract or corrupt the old Superpower. At the very minimum the transition is fraught with both competition and cooperation
  4. Superpowers provide the elite of their own citizenry with enviable lifestyles as well as freedom to speak and act (atleast in private).
  5. The richest country in the world is always a target. The most militarized country will always go broke. You become a superpower only when you can keep the balance.
  6. Superpowers have allies. Their enemies are divided more than their allies.
  7. History of a nation and a race can be used for predictive analytics about the future

Based on – the literary and strategic classic

 

Top Ten Ways to Kill The NSA

  1. Everybody write email or ip voice call in Navajo
  2. Pass messages in .gifs on Google Plus  wikipedia. But use visual cryptography
  3. Create social network analysis of NSA guys , and their families. Include Senate Staffers on the appropriate committees. Hunt the hunters to guard the guardians. Start with the Snowden ex-girlfriend
  4. Everyone start using Tor. Overwhelm the NSA’s budget. Kill the Budget  and you kill the NSA
  5. Teach terrorists how to haiku and send messages in Navajo poetry. Use Poem Code
  6. Click on ALL google ads. or DO NOT Click on ALL Facebook ads by all people revealed to have been cooperating with the NSA. Hit the corporations the only place they feel anything- the pocket books and the balance sheets. Use Anti Ad software to dry up these data gathering monsters!
  7. Revive projects like Waste Again. Embed them in Browser Plugins like Mafia Fire.
  8. Maybe An Open Translate Project for  a language like Anti- Double Speak (from 1984). Truthspeak. To automatically encode using a Browser Plugin. Like Google Translate automatically translates Hebrew into English.
  9. Everyone understand the concept of random noise and introduce it in your blogs , your communication. Use snowden for the seed keywords.
  10. Big Deficit huh. Govt shutdown huh. Call your Congressman now to decrease NSA budget by atleast 17.33 % . Use this (usa.gov) unzip

From the First Rule 

and

Zeroth Law-

0. A robot may not harm humanity, or, by inaction, allow humanity to come to harm.
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