a little knowledge is a unicorn startup

I see them all day and I see them from morning to evening. Bright-eyed young men on one side, cynical middle-aged men smiling on the other side of the table. Playing a game that is half-way between strip poker and Russian roulette. The one where one side claims they are trying to change the world by giving the other side 10X on their investment. If you could only sign the cheque Mr Middle Aged Man, and if you could only could rub your nose with powder Mr Young Man.Being a data scientist can be an advantage in these oxygen sucking bone marrow draining meetings as you play umpire to Sharapova grunting to beat Hingis in this tennis match. You can do a tech jargon dump, avoid questions by claiming just to be the tech guy or you can give them crazy brilliant scientist with the bad joke routine

What grates my teeth , gets my goat Billy, irritates my allergic cough and what really annoys me is when the potential investor tries to show off their technology chutzpah and when the-the potential investee starts sucking icecream just to stay afloat in the game. Life is unfair and Karma is a bitch cliche, but when I feel like shouting at the inane conversations in the meetings I have to attend, I amuse myself by calculating how much money I am making every second ( it’s not much , but we have a long term plan).

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Young men  often shoot more of this not knowing enough, but old men who just won’t do a google search before they speak inane is what drives me  temp insane. Do you really want to hand over 25% of your company to this guy for 300K kid.

That’s right, the valuations in Indian startups are so mind blowing fucking low, that all the failed VC’s or the homesick desis return home and over night go from upper middle-class suburb desperate househusbands to indian angel investors returned from cowboy land to the glorious motherland to do what is right by her. They used to be proud first generation Americans till they returned to become Wily Oriental Gentlemen.

Technology startups in India are hot, but I think it’s not a bubble because valuations are low in dollars, but its a correlated and cointegrated bubble with the hash they smoke in San Carlos streets.

But

  • the tech talent is shoddy (crumbs after the outsourcing lions have been fed )
  • and its all wild wild east laisse faire (in one of the most corrupt countries still)
  • and all the  sex  (500 million people less than 30 in India , cough)
  • and all the Opium Triangle drugs make this more of a Mad Man on TV than a MAD magazine on live street.

Google your jargon, kid and google your bullshit unicorn breeders.

In India, cow dung is holy, but bullshit is not.

That’s not even a metaphor. Its reality and reality bites the slumdog millionaires faster than it bites the husband of a Kardashian.

Author: Ajay Ohri

http://about.me/ajayohri

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