I have met, talked, interacted, drank and ate with CEOs for a decade now. This ranges from CEOs of a few billion dollars annual revenue to CEOs of a few dollars more revenue. You can however relax on the length of article- there are NOT really 50 types of CEOs but sex sells and I thought lets write a blog post on CEOs that has subliminal connotation.
- The founder CEO v1 – I can code so I can create so I created a product and they think I am a unicorn and do you feel me here, and he is always pushing another request to git
- The founder CEO v2– I can sell so I will sell and lets see what you have in your box, and boy I can sell and will kill your business monster and no I NEVER did ddduhrugs
- The founder CEO v3 – I can network because I can keep my mouth shut and everyone thinks I am a good guy, which I worked very hard to create as my personal brand. GOOD GUY- what a personal brand.
- The rack em and cash em CEO– I cant code, sell or network but I am putting up the cash. I am the CEO, bitch – as Zuck used to say when he was a young man before they took his innocence away and turned him into Riddick.
- The badass CEO -I CAN code, sell AND network and I have money but secretly think I am Steve Jobs so I will have his arrogance but not his focus.
- The Dormitory CEO– Got to be CEO because he happened to be in right Dormitory of right school getting drunk with the right guys in the wrong party where there were no women, and they were bouncing off ideas and one idea stuck. Notice the misogyny implicit. It is not accidental, wink wink. Also got second time lucky when people asked hey which one of us is going to be CEO, and they chose him because he talks and talks. Lean on the misogny in technology startups. Lean on.
- The VC CEO also known as Hand of the King- Did not create the company, product, idea but the sorted guy cleaning up the ahem product strategy. As Game of Thrones said, The King shits and the Hand wipes.
- The restless CEO every three months gets a big bug in his arse about innovating and changing. Actually his ego can’t recognize his mediocrity. Actually does a very decent job of putting bread and butter on the table for the rest of the corporation. To cope with his restlessness, is sent to conference ever three month by His Board of Directors much to his chagrin
- The gut feel CEO Likes to sing Black Eyed Peas in review meetings. I got a feeling. This quarter is going to be a good time. This product is going to be a good good time. Covers up his arse pretty fast (CYA) when his feelings end up diminishing the moolah for the rest of gangsters.
- The rolls his eyes CEO a patient man who would have been a monk or professor in another time and age, rolls his eyes and gets his team of drama queens to play along
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