11 Ways to Beat Up Google

10 Ways to Bring Down Google’s Share Price (if you still think it is too high)

Based on the Google Slogan:Do not be Evil.

DISCLAIMER If a member of the SEC, or any regulatory body, or Google employee is reading this..its a work in fiction


1) Anti Privacy Lawsuits- Lets pick 10 blonds. Lawsuits from them saying Google enabled people to find out their contact details, and harass them. Trust me its happened to many of us. It has happened to even Google guys themselves.

Okay, make that 5 Blonds and 5 brunettes.

2) Anti Trust Lawsuits- Thats right. This is what happened to Microsoft in the past decade. While the top management is busy attending dull and expensive meetings with the lawyers, they will have lesser time to think about initiatives like Social Networking API’s. Nothing kills creativity faster than an anti trust lawyer.

2) Free Tibet Lawsuits- Hire someone who is an ex Chinese , ex Tibetan dissident. Encourage them to file a lawsuit against Google, saying its efforts to cooperate with the Chinese authorities led to their arrest.

4) Social Networking Lawsuits- A lawsuit against Google, saying there is very little flirting in the Googleplex. So many geeky engineers discussing code….

5) Affirmative Action Lawsuits- Thats right Google hires too few colored software engineers. look it up …………….its true. A statement from Rev Jackson, and a reluctant statement from Obama would help.


5) Arab nations can be encouraged to boycott Google..

Arabic Rumours like -Eh Abdul, did you know that Google encourages spread of Offensive Danish cartoons…

That means the Middle East suddenly becomes off limits. Thats 20 % of the world market gone……ergo..some impact on stock price.

6) A Boycott Google bonfire

Did we mention that the Company is now buying jets ….and the carbon footprint of it’s ever expanding data centers which have multiple levels of redundancy. The fact is Google data servers consume steady amounts of huge energy.

To enroll bi partisan conservative support, did we mention Al Gore, the Nobel Prize Winner , is a strategic adviser to Google.

An anti global warming protest against a company advised by Al Gore should be fun.


7) Google earns money through advertisers.

Lets start a click the link satyagraha . Click all Adsense given ads at all websites  .

In the next Quarter Google revenue will suddenly go up.

In the Quarter after that , Google will be busy issuing refund checks to advertisers for this click fraud…. Earnings will contract..and Wall Street will react to shrinking earnings by shrinking the stock price.

Wall Street still has some grudges from the missed opportunities in the Google IPO and fees…..

8. )

Start a movement for giving revenue share not based on clicks but based on actual purchases. It will take them some time to come up with an answer to this.


9) Help create a better search engine.This is very tough. Thats why its at number 9.

10) Google-is-not-so-cool now. Nothing remains cool forever . Remember when Steve Jobs was cool.Now his fake blog gets more readers.

Google-is-not-so-cool movement

a) helps slow down the Geek hiring machine,Microsoft has been poached more than wild salmon by Google.Ironic considering Google was founded partly in the Paul Allen building in Stanford.

b) This  forces the Google boys to spice up their services starting from the DULL home page. Maybe they will have a separate section for paid searches for business research users.

so these are ten initial thoughts to bring down the share price of Goggle.

Uncle Ben (Bernanke) is doing a good job to bring down the share prices of the rest of the companies.

11 th thought

If Microsoft gives away the  Windows XP (but not Vista ) for free,  and instead places two ads on each desktop in the world run by it., as an option particularly for retail consumers. It will corner all the market for online AND offline new media marketing.
Conflict of Interest Disclaimer

The author used Microsoft Operating system while writing this article. The browser was Firefox though.

Author: Ajay Ohri


3 thoughts on “11 Ways to Beat Up Google”

  1. Good Lord – google does not need to touch their homepage. Having a simple homepage is what makes them great – if you want all of the annoying flashy things goto AOL…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: