Slacks Lies and Stock Options

So I was swapping war stories with someone who really made some money on a unicorn. The only thing we could learn from the stories was – the sheer unpredictability in which people will lie to you and the sheer unpredictability by which people will be nice to you.

I mean forget all the data science prediction problems out there. Isnt this the only data science problem to solve- Whom to trust? When? For how much

What is surprising is the parallels in the intelligence spy business and the technology startup business.

  1. Intel and Tech Startups are less glamorous than the look in books
  2. They both involve long periods of boring inactivity and sudden periods of frenzied action
  3. Relationships matter in the first and second oldest profession of the world but only for the moment. Relationships matter a lot more in the newest profession on the world- unicorn tech worker.
  4. The stock options will never come on what you did in the past but just to hold you for the future.
  5. Karma is the oldest Android App and it is really sweet piece of coding
  6. Coffee and tea are good stimulants. Other stimulants get you in trouble as the founder President of Facebook found out.
  7. Comfortable clothing is the norm in technology startups. Cool clothing is NOT the norm in the guys who will fund the technology startups atleast in many areas I have seen. Wear Slacks to meetings but not to the investor meetings.
  8. Data never lies. People do.
  9. People can manipulate truth and data to lies using ppts and statistics. You decide you wanna be a unicorn or a scientist
  10. Nobody lost his job for being the hardest worker in the room. Nobody lost their stock options for being the nicest person in the company. Except for Woz. But  we all love Woz

50 shades of CEOs

I have met, talked, interacted, drank and ate with CEOs for a decade now. This ranges from CEOs of a few billion dollars annual revenue to CEOs of a few dollars more revenue. You can however relax on the length of article- there are NOT really 50 types of CEOs but sex sells and I thought lets write a blog post on CEOs that has subliminal connotation.

Screenshot from 2015-10-07 10:35:09

  1. The founder CEO v1 – I can code  so I can create so I created a product and they think I am a unicorn and do you feel me here,  and he is always pushing another request to git
  2. The founder CEO v2– I can sell  so I will sell and lets see what you have in your box, and boy I can sell and will kill your business monster and no I NEVER did ddduhrugs
  3. The founder CEO v3 – I can network because I can keep my mouth shut and everyone thinks I am a good guy, which I worked very hard to create as my personal brand. GOOD GUY- what a personal brand.
  4. The rack em and cash em  CEO– I cant code, sell or network but I am putting up the cash. I am the CEO, bitch – as Zuck used to say when he was  a young man before they took his innocence away and turned him into Riddick.
  5. The badass CEO -I CAN code, sell AND network and I have money but secretly think I am Steve Jobs so I will have his arrogance but not his focus.
  6. The Dormitory CEO– Got to be CEO because he happened to be in right Dormitory of right school getting drunk with the right guys in the wrong party where there were no women, and they were bouncing off ideas and one idea stuck. Notice the misogyny implicit. It is not accidental, wink wink. Also got second time lucky when people asked hey which one of us is going to be CEO, and they chose him because he talks and talks. Lean on the misogny in technology startups. Lean on.
  7. The VC CEO also known as Hand of the King-  Did not create the company, product, idea but the sorted guy cleaning up the ahem product strategy. As Game of Thrones said, The King shits and the Hand wipes.
  8. The restless CEO every three months gets a big bug in his arse about innovating and changing. Actually his ego can’t recognize his mediocrity. Actually does a very decent job of putting bread and butter on the table for the rest of the corporation. To cope with his restlessness, is sent to conference ever three month by His Board of Directors much to his chagrin
  9. The gut feel CEO  Likes to sing Black Eyed Peas in review meetings. I got a feeling. This quarter is going to be a good time. This product is going to be a good good time. Covers up his arse pretty fast (CYA) when his feelings end up diminishing the moolah for the rest of gangsters.
  10. The rolls his eyes CEO  a patient man who would have been a monk or professor in another time and age, rolls his eyes and gets his team of drama queens to play along

Do you know a CEO? Share your War Stories to Full confidentiality is assured and we have a contest. Winner gets his own T Shirt-  I am the Unicorn CEO, Switch

With a that tip to

Screenshot from 2015-10-07 10:33:20

Jazz in front of Bombay Sea with Igor Butman

Serendipity, luck and sheer chut-zpah enabled me to watch from the front seat, a jazz performance by Igor Buttman and the  quartet at the NCPA , Mumbai. Most of the crowd was elderly Parsis, so I really didnt help matters by wearing a baseball hat.

The jazz was lovely. The quartet has a pianist who is blind and has golden hair, and man, he could sing too besides playing BOTH classical piano and jazz.  He needs to be taught a lesson by Butman into humility though.

an amazing blind pianist and vocalist, Oleg Akkuratov. A visually challenged boy from a small Russian town, Armavir, Akkuratov is an exceptionally talented pianist and vocalist, a unique jazz and classical musician, who participated in UNESCO’s International Choir. He has won numerous international contests and has been awarded the World Health Organization’s “Health” award, entitled “For the will to live”. At the age of nineteen Oleg outplayed many others to win the International Piano Competition in Novosibirsk.

He has performed in the Olympic Games and Para-Olympic Games, inspiring many handicapped people.