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How to be a BAD blogger?

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Here are some tips to being a BAD blogger. This assumes that -

  • you are intelligent enough to know what you speak ( NO- STUPID CLAUSE),
  • are otherwise an interesting person in your offline life,
  • have a good story to tell about yourself, your product or your company ( NO BORING CLAUSES),
  • can spell-check (mostly) (NOT LAZY CLAUSE),
  • can create a free account on wordpress.com or have access to a website where you can post material (NOT LAZY AND STUPID CLAUSES)
  • AND otherwise have a desire to try and be a good blogger.

BAD

Step 1

Credibility

On the Internet everyone is an experienced expert in something.

Ways to wreck credibility-

  1. Offer ads from Adsense before your blog traffic crosses 100 average a day and maximum 200 visitors a day( not views).
  2. Take offers like free travel, books, software from people, products and companies- dont disclose that- and pump them up by flattering reviews.
  3. Scratch the back of a fellow blog monkey- Also known as you praise me in my blog- I will praise you in mine and we think we fooled everyone that we are just networking.
  4. Use shock words and images to differentiate.
  5. Offer ads from Non Adsense advertisers before your traffic crosses 500 average a day and maximum 1000 visitors a day( not views)
  6. Have only ONE advertiser and offer PRIME placement to news of it AND IGNORE corporate rivals completely.
  7. Claim to know people intimately whom you only know via Facebook Mafia Wars.
  8. Offer stuff to guest blogger and forget to follow up on the promise.
  9. Spam people on email and tell them how you are spamming them to HELP them with NEW stuff.
  10. Take money from sponsors, and free content from people. Call it aggregation and community. Pocket all the money
  11. Accept advertising from pornography. Claim you did not know what it was.
  12. Give tips on hacking websites. What goes around will never come around, right?

That should wreck your credibility completely. To build up your credibility ,  do the reverse of the above.

Hard Work

Hard work never killed anyone, but try to blog on boring stuff. Or on politics ,guns, gays and religion (preferably at the same time)

  1. Post a stupid  picture of yourself in the about page  and tell yourself people don’t care on photos anyway.
  2. Touch up your photo image by ADOBE Photoshop or Post an image 10 years younger (or 10 pounds thinner).
  3. Choose a bad theme. Like Violet background and yellow font.
  4. Post images of your kids or your vacation in a professional blog OR /AND post images of your computer or conferences in a personal blog.
  5. DO NOT SPELL CHECK.
  6. Use HTM4.0 . Pretend that CSS is a hit TV show.
  7. Pretend SEO , Tags and Categories is for others. DO NOT make it easy to search your blog.

WRITING

Coleridge was a drug addict. Poe was an alcoholic. Marlowe was killed by a man whom he was treacherously trying to stab. Pope took money to keep a woman’s name out of a satire then wrote a piece so that she could still be recognized anyhow. Chatterton killed himself. Byron was accused of incest. Do you still want to a writer – and if so, why?

Bennett Cerf ( from http://koti.mbnet.fi/pasenka/quotes/q-writ.htm#Writing%20is%20hell

  1. Write on politics and guns on a tech blog, or technology on a politics blog.
  2. Write dis jointed sentences in a hurry and claim it’s okay people wont notice anyways.
  3. Write only in text without ANY Images.
  4. Write 5 posts a day. or Write once in 5 weeks.
  5. Never explore VIDEO or AUDIO in your blog. Podcasts are for frozen peas.
  6. Have an ego bigger than your talent. Write about it.
  7. Be an expert in social media without crossing 1.5 years of blogging, or 25000 unique visitors. or 100,000 views on Internet. Twitter followers and Linkedin connections doesn’t count. Facebook  Fans don’ count either.
  8. Generally make an ass of yourself by not editing or not proof reading your posts.

This should generally make sure that you become a BAD blogger, your blog traffic never crosses into two digits a day and you get back to work on your day job which you are probably good at.

If you do that, tell everyone blogs don’t matter in the 2010′s just as websites never mattered in the 1990′s, or Novels in the 1980′s, or TV in the 1950′s or Talking Pictures in the 1930′s.

Yup.


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